Jokes

[Ramseys]

13 hours ago, threelegs said:




What is that black and white creature with the floor-length fur coat?

The Bilberry goat is a breed of feral goat which is believed to have lived in one herd on Bilberry Rock in Waterford City in the south of Ireland for hundreds of years. Unlike any other breed found in Ireland, the Bilberry herd is thought to be related to Pashmina, Maltese or Cashmere goats.




 

[threelegs]

7 hours ago, Ramseys said:




The Bilberry goat is a breed of feral goat which is believed to have lived in one herd on Bilberry Rock in Waterford City in the south of Ireland for hundreds of years. Unlike any other breed found in Ireland, the Bilberry herd is thought to be related to Pashmina, Maltese or Cashmere goats.




 

As exotic as it looks, then. And yeah, that would definitely look awesome on my bed. Hell, I'd even take her out for walks on a leash. I'd probably get tired of everybody oohing and awing pretty quickly, but I can find sparsely-used trails.

[threelegs]

Odd, I looked those up and didn't see any other pics that looked quite that exotic, but I did find this ... doesn't he look happy?


I'd like sloppy seconds, please.




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[threelegs]

Oh, and check out my new puppy!

[Ramseys]

8 hours ago, threelegs said:




Odd, I looked those up and didn't see any other pics that looked quite that exotic, but I did find this ... doesn't he look happy?


I'd like sloppy seconds, please.

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[threelegs]

One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.




Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?"




The blonde said it was hers. "Your dog seems to be in heat," the officer said.




The blonde replied, "No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree."




The policeman said, "No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred."




"No way," said the blonde. "My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning."




The exasperated policeman said, "NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!"




The blonde looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog."

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A guy walks into a bar, orders a drink, and begins to cry.




The bartender takes notice and asks, "Hey, what's wrong?"




"I've been caught sleeping with my patients, I'm going to lose my license."




"You're crying because of that? My cousin sleeps with his patients all the time, you have nothing to fear."




"Oh yeah? Is your cousin a veterinarian?"

[threelegs]

A farmer had 5 female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned 5 male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50.




The farmers lived 60 miles apart, so they decided to drive 30 miles each morning and find a field in which to let the pigs mate.




The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 a.m., loaded the pigs into the family station wagon (the only vehicle he had) and drove the 30 miles.

While the pigs were in the field mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?"




The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass tomorrow morning, they'll be pregnant. If they're lying in the mud, they're not."




The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again.




This continued each morning for more than a week and the farmers were worn out.




The next morning, one was too tired to even get out of bed. So he called out to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass."




"Neither," yelled his wife, "They're in the station wagon. And one of them is honking the horn."

[threelegs]

So this guy has a pair of bunnies, and the bunnies are really old. One day he wakes up and both the bunnies have died.




He's really sad, and he can't stand the thought of never seeing them again, so he puts them in a silk-lined box and takes them down to the local taxidermy shop.




He sets the box on the counter and says to the taxidermy guy: "These were my beloved pet bunnies. I want to keep them forever."




The taxidermy guy says "Okay. Do you want them mounted?"




"No," says the guy, after a moment of consideration. "Just holding hands."

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An old farmer went into to town to buy a cock (rooster) and some supplies. The supplies cost less than expected. With some extra cash and time on his hands, the farmer thought he would catch a movie at the local theater.




Arriving at the theater, the farmer realized that he did not have a way to keep his cock from running away. He thought about putting it in the cab of his truck but did not want to have to deal with the mess. Instead, he decided to put it down his overalls.




The farmer bought his ticket and found a quiet spot up front by himself. The cock was not happy trapped in the overalls and was making a commotion. To calm him, the farmer unzipped his fly to let it breathe.

Sure enough the cock calmed down.




The theater soon filled up, and a young couple took their seats next to the farmer. Upon sitting down, the young lady turned to her partner and said, "This old farmer has a cock coming out of his overalls." The partner ignored the comment.




A few minutes later the young lady grabbed her partner's arm and loudly whispered, "The farmer's cock is really bothering me.”




The partner, wanting to enjoy the movie, told her, "Just ignore him and watch the movie."




The young lady responded, "I am trying, but it keeps eating my popcorn.”

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A tractor salesman shows up at Joe's farm...




The salesman approaches the farmer and says, "Good day to you sir! I'd like to tell you about our top-of-the-line tractor. You will not find a better tractor than this anywhere and I can see that you are a man of discerning tastes. Tell you what -- "




Old Joe interrupts the sales pitch and without a word leads the man to the barn. When they get there he says, "You a good salesman? Let me tell you a story. The other day I came out to milk old Bessie. I just got sat down behind her and she kicks me with her back left leg. So I tied it to the stall. Then she kicks me with her back right leg. So I tied that to the stall, too. Then she swats me right in the face with her tail. So I tied a piece of twine to her tail and looped the other end over the rafters."




The salesman gives a puzzled nod, and the farmer continues. "Then my wife walked into the barn and she sees me standing behind old Bessie. Now, mister... if you can convince my wife I was only trying to MILK that cow I'll buy one of your damn tractors."

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[threelegs]

[Ramseys]

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