Two-fer Tuesday came on a Saturday this week.
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A psychiatrist is addressing a group of people who have all had experiences with the supernatural. He asks: "Who here has seen a ghost?"
Everyone puts up their hands. He then asks: "Who here has spoken with a ghost?"
Half the audience puts up their hands. "And who here has touched a ghost?" Ten percent of the crowd puts up their hands.
He asks: "And who here has made love with a ghost?" One little man in the back row puts up his hand...
The psychiatrist looks down from the podium at the little man and says: "Do you mean to tell me that you have made love with a ghost?"
The man replies, "Oh No! I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you correctly. I thought you said 'goat'."
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A young, heavily pregnant woman took a taxi to hospital and asked to be given help, as she was about to have her first child. A nurse escorted her to the maternity ward and on the way asked: “Is the father with you at all?”
The young woman replied: “Actually, I don’t know who the father is.”
“I’m very sorry,” said the nurse. “It’s none of my business – it’s just that it usually helps to have close family around at times like this. Anyway let’s get you a bed and bring this baby into the world.”
Two hours later, the baby boy was born, much to the young mother’s relief. But then she noticed that the nurse looked a little concerned. “What’s the matter?” she cried. “Is my baby okay?”
Holding the baby just out of the mother’s view, the nurse said: “I’m just going to have to take the baby into the next room for some tests, but it’s nothing to be worried about. You just relax, and I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Twenty minutes later, the nurse returned without the baby. “You’ve given birth to a perfectly healthy baby,” she said, “but there are one or two questions I’d like to ask, particularly concerning the conception. For example, your baby is black.”
Looking slightly embarrassed, the mother said: “Let me explain. At the time I was going through a rough period in my life. I’d lost my job, I couldn’t afford the rent on my apartment, and so I’m ashamed to say I took part in a pornographic film – just for the money – and my co-star was a black man.”
“I can understand that,” said the nurse sympathetically, “but it also appears that your baby has the facial features of an Asian person.”
Blushing visibly, the girl admitted: “Well, there was another man in the film of Asian ethnicity who starred with me.”
The nurse nodded but continued: “And it also seems that your baby has the most startling ginger hair I have ever seen in a newborn child.”
“I’m not altogether surprised,” said the girl, shamefaced. “Another co-star of mine in the film was a red-haired gentleman.” After a pause, she said: “May I see my baby now?” The nurse went out of the room and returned a minute later with the black, Asian, ginger-haired baby. She handed the baby to the young mother, who immediately turned it upside down and smacked it firmly on the butt. The baby cried and the mother held it back in her arms.
Shocked, the nurse demanded: “What did you do that for?”
The girl replied: “Sorry, but I had to check if it barked too.”
