03-12-2022, 06:40 AM
So this guy has a pair of bunnies, and the bunnies are really old. One day he wakes up and both the bunnies have died.
He's really sad, and he can't stand the thought of never seeing them again, so he puts them in a silk-lined box and takes them down to the local taxidermy shop.
He sets the box on the counter and says to the taxidermy guy: "These were my beloved pet bunnies. I want to keep them forever."
The taxidermy guy says "Okay. Do you want them mounted?"
"No," says the guy, after a moment of consideration. "Just holding hands."
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An old farmer went into to town to buy a cock (rooster) and some supplies. The supplies cost less than expected. With some extra cash and time on his hands, the farmer thought he would catch a movie at the local theater.
Arriving at the theater, the farmer realized that he did not have a way to keep his cock from running away. He thought about putting it in the cab of his truck but did not want to have to deal with the mess. Instead, he decided to put it down his overalls.
The farmer bought his ticket and found a quiet spot up front by himself. The cock was not happy trapped in the overalls and was making a commotion. To calm him, the farmer unzipped his fly to let it breathe.
Sure enough the cock calmed down.
The theater soon filled up, and a young couple took their seats next to the farmer. Upon sitting down, the young lady turned to her partner and said, "This old farmer has a cock coming out of his overalls." The partner ignored the comment.
A few minutes later the young lady grabbed her partner's arm and loudly whispered, "The farmer's cock is really bothering me.”
The partner, wanting to enjoy the movie, told her, "Just ignore him and watch the movie."
The young lady responded, "I am trying, but it keeps eating my popcorn.”
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A tractor salesman shows up at Joe's farm...
The salesman approaches the farmer and says, "Good day to you sir! I'd like to tell you about our top-of-the-line tractor. You will not find a better tractor than this anywhere and I can see that you are a man of discerning tastes. Tell you what -- "
Old Joe interrupts the sales pitch and without a word leads the man to the barn. When they get there he says, "You a good salesman? Let me tell you a story. The other day I came out to milk old Bessie. I just got sat down behind her and she kicks me with her back left leg. So I tied it to the stall. Then she kicks me with her back right leg. So I tied that to the stall, too. Then she swats me right in the face with her tail. So I tied a piece of twine to her tail and looped the other end over the rafters."
The salesman gives a puzzled nod, and the farmer continues. "Then my wife walked into the barn and she sees me standing behind old Bessie. Now, mister... if you can convince my wife I was only trying to MILK that cow I'll buy one of your damn tractors."
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