Jokes

[Bear28]

electrojaculator




talk about a shocking orgasm 

[threelegs]

Any loving's good loving, so I took what I could get. Then she looked at me with those big brown eyes and said

Woof.

[threelegs]

The best part of this is "... when you're alone with a  dog, you can't get one of 'em to do that."




Kinda makes you wonder how he verified that.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21JeM_jDtDo




 

[heavyhorse]

It's a dog thing.  Visit someone and you are accepted as part of the group and things progress accordingly.




Go there alone and you're a trespasser and thing progress accordingly as well.  




 




Interesting with bitches as well.  Visiting someone, seated in an old wicker chair on the porch, the English Mastiff bitch put her chin in my lap and I petted her head and ears, and she proceeded very slowly to climb into my lap.  In a couple of minutes I had 190 Lbs of mastiff that I couldn't even see over sitting on me.  This of course is not what would have happened if I had shown up with no one around and tried to shove Watchtower under the door. 




Oh, and the Mastiff and I became fast friends..... .  

[threelegs]

5 hours ago, heavyhorse said:




It's a dog thing.  Visit someone and you are accepted as part of the group and things progress accordingly.




Go there alone and you're a trespasser and thing progress accordingly as well.  




 




Interesting with bitches as well.  Visiting someone, seated in an old wicker chair on the porch, the English Mastiff bitch put her chin in my lap and I petted her head and ears, and she proceeded very slowly to climb into my lap.  In a couple of minutes I had 190 Lbs of mastiff that I couldn't even see over sitting on me.  This of course is not what would have happened if I had shown up with no one around and tried to shove Watchtower under the door. 




Oh, and the Mastiff and I became fast friends..... .  

Yes and no ... I think Stafford just made up that little bit of patter and designed it to get the most laughs. I don't even know if it's 'a dog thing' or not, but I know it isn't always true. My first sexual encounter with an animal was some guest's little male--chihuahua or something of the like--and I carried him off to my room. Put him down on the floor and stretched my arm out to him, and he immediately jumped on it and fucked my fist. Spurted a few shots of cum about four feet across the floor and a little way up the wall, then quit thrusting, and, me being maybe ten years old and not knowing what to do next, I just let go and stared in awe at his gnarly little throbbing pecker until he put it away.




So--it's not that simple.

[Ramseys]

 




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[shortleash]

A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500. The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs one dollar per word. She is stumped on how to tell the blonde to bring the truck and trailer. Finally, she tells the telegraph operator to send the word "comfortable." Skeptical, the operator asks, "How will she know to come with the trailer from just that word?" The redhead replies, "She's a blonde so she reads slow: 'Come for ta bull.'"

[threelegs]

The UN is in session and the three major superpowers, the US, Russia, and China are trying to out do each other's achievements.




The US says "We have a missile that could reach any point on Earth with amazing precision and destroy it."




Everyone else starts chattering in disbelief and the UN moderator finally questions the statement. Under pressure the US says "Well... It will land within 1 foot of the target." Everyone seems satisfied with the answer.




Russia says "We have a missile that could go into space, go hypersonic, and comeback into Earth and kill our target with maximum efficiency." Again people start questioning how unbelievable this sounds. Russia then says "Well... It will destroy it's target with a precision of about 7 inches."




The Chinese spokes person comes up with a grin in his face and says "We have a missile that could go the dark side of the moon, land, collect a sample of the soil and then continue to destroy your country." Everyone is stunned by this and start questioning the statement. The Chinese finally concede and say "Well... It will land within 3 inches of the target."




Kim Jong-Un, furious that no one is paying attention to him and the fact that he has been completely outdone, screams out "I have a goat that could give birth through its anus!"




People go, wtf is he saying? Even his own people are questioning his statement. The US ask him "How is this relevant and, even if it were, there is no such thing as a goat giving birth through its anus!"

Kim, knowing that he is on the spot, squirming in his seat and sweating like a horse, finally says "Well... Not exactly through its anus, but within a margin of error of 1 inch."

-----------------------------------------------

[Ramseys]

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[threelegs]

There was this farmer, Farmer John, who had a prize-winning bull.




Unfortunately, at the beginning of the breeding season, the bull had no interest in mating. Couldn't get it up at all.




Farmer John called Bill the veterinarian to come out and look at the bull. Bill checked the bull all over and said, "Well, there is nothing physically wrong with the bull. This problem must be psychological."




Farmer John asked, "What can I do, doc? If I don't get this bull mating soon, I'll have no calves in the spring, and my farm will be in ruins."




Bill the vet said, "There is one thing you could try, but it's an experimental treatment and highly controversial."




Farmer John said, "I'll try anything."




Bill the vet said, "Okay, what you need to do is show this bull porn for a good solid week. If he sees enough porn, that might give him the motivation he needs to breed."




So Farmer John puts the bull in his stall and sets up a projector showing PornHub 24 hours a day for a full week. Just non-stop hardcore action playing in the bull's stall.




After the week is over, Bill the vet comes back to the farm to see the bull released into the field of suitors.




Farmer John lets the bull outta the stall, and sure enough, the bull runs out into the field and mounts the first cow he sees, just giving it to her.




Farmer John and Bill the vet are hooting and hollering that their 24/7 PornHub plan worked. Just as the bull is about to impregnate the cow, and the men are going to pop the champagne on a successful breeding season, the bull pulls out, runs up in front of the cow and comes all over her face.