In love with a human friend, and I'm miserable

[battlecrops]

Majority of this is copy/pasted from a post I made on the subreddit a while back, because it still sums everything up quite well and I don't quite have the energy to reword all of it...  




I'm non-exclusive, and I'm also polyamorous, which means I can be in love with multiple beings (human or animal, but it's only happened with humans so far) at the same time. I've been in a human relationship before while also being with my animal partner. My ex-girlfriend was also non-exlusive zoo so she knew about my partner and understood. Having a human girlfriend did not affect my love for or dedication to my animal parter at all.




I have always thought that if I have a sexual relationship with an animal partner, then it wouldn't be fair to have a human girlfriend who didn't know. Not fair to the human, I mean. If I was in a relationship with someone and they were also in love with another human or an animal, I'd be very hurt if they didn't tell me. I'm not saying everyone should think that way, but that's how I've always thought about it pertaining to myself and my own relationships. Therein lies the current problem.




I've had romantic feelings for a human for over two years now, so it's not a short term thing like crushes I've had sometimes. I know the feeling is mutual since she's told me. But I haven't told her. I also haven't told her about being zoo, for obvious reasons. I don't think she'd report me to authorities or anything but I'm afraid of losing her friendship if she doesn't accept it. I know she doesn't approve of bestiality so there's not much hope there. We've been best friends for five years and she's my only really close friend right now, so I don't think I could handle losing her friendship. I don't currently have any sexual animal partners, but in the near future I would like to. I don't want to have to keep it secret, both to be fair to her (I'd consider that cheating) and because having that secret found out can be so dangerous. I prefer to be in relationships for the long haul, not something casual and short, so I have to consider the long term.




But I really REALLY love this girl and I just?? Ugh. It's a shitty place to be in because I'm stuck. We'd both like to try out a relationship but I can't do it because I'm too afraid to tell her I'm zoo, because there's so much to lose. I'm not going to "come out" to her, I don't plan on ever coming out to anyone for safety's sake.  I'm not asking for advice or anything I guess I just needed somewhere to vent and this isn't the kind of thing I can talk about. I dunno if anyone else here has been in a similar situation but it sucks. It's really affecting my mood and making my depression worse, and I get really bad anxiety thinking about it as well. It's just a shit situation all around and it's really wearing me down after so long.  It's just killing me because I have no sexual partners right now, I could be in a human relationship right now and be really happy and fulfilled.  But it would really throw a wrench into my future and make everything uncertain.




I had very much come to peace with the fact that I wouldn't have any human partners anymore, just animals.  I have plans for the future for show dogs, and a small hobby farm.  It took a while to get to that point but I really was 100% okay with not ever having a human partner.  I was in a good mental place with it and accepted that I could be happy without one.  But then my romantic feelings for this friend kept getting more and more intense, and it just keeps doing that.  I keep wanting a future with her in it, too.




I wish I could be monogamous, or only exclusive zoo, just for convenience's sake.  This is really messing me up.

[WinterGreenWolf]

When I was still discovering I went through the same kind of emotions: as you know (probably) I am an exclusive..




That being said though I tried everything to 'make it work', went to local church groups when I was younger, dated a couple local girls and had local guy friends to hang with.. Nothing felt right. I even dated two guys remotely... That was a fucking disaster.. One wanted me to move away with him after only knowing me three months, the other would amlost go depressive if I didn't respond to IMs every five seconds..




My point being, I don't know your exact situation but you have my support none-the-less because I've been 'torn' before in many directions. Some of them hurt me deeply.. I've lost friends who I tred to talk toe subject over with in the past, been ridiculed by people.. The one period I tried to be a 'proud zoo' in the days ov MSN and sort of be 'in the open' I got five death threats in the span of a day.




So ultimately I said fuck it, cast all those people aside and kept my mouth shut.. Only really saying if I had something to say / clear up, or someone asked..




Like I said, I've been torn too: just in different ways..




I wish you all the best and hope things work out for you.




 

[silverwolf1]

I dunno what your belief system is, but I've had both human and non-human committed partners over the years. Each and every one I gave my all to, staying faithful to just that one. Being in love, it wasn't as hard as you'd think, and it really didn't matter to them who else I might be attracted to as long as I wasn't cheating on them. In other words I never really felt a need to tell my human partners. None of my human relationships lasted forever, though none of them really ended badly, and I've had two wonderful lifelong (for them) zoo relationships.




I can't say this will be your way, or your life. I can't say you should, or should not, give this girl and yourself a chance. I can only say that for me a lover was just that, and didn't need to know of the one before, and neither of us needed to know of the one possibly to come.




sw

[shortleash]

good luck...that must be a really tough place to be...as someone who has had affairs over the years...i can say i do not have your problems...maybe i am less ethical than you...who knows...

[UntamedAnomaly]

Oy...I know this feeling well. I've been single for the longest time I've ever been single. I've dated other zoos before, and dating other zoos has actually turned out worse for me, than dating non-zoos. But either way, I think human relationships aren't meant for me. I really want one, I want to have hours of conversation, and romance, etc. But I think it might be something unreal, like a fairy tale or something, because every human relationship I've been in, has been awful (except for 1, but our life goals were too different). I've been dating for 20 years of my life, so who knows? Maybe I might actually find someone before I die who actually gives a shit about me, but the older I get, the more I am starting to think that no one truly gives a shit about anyone but themselves.


My advice? Don't ever tell that person, and you can't date them, it would be unethical to do so without telling them and I guarantee you it will ruin your friendship if they've already said they are against interspecies sexuality. You need a different human focus, too many people think they can be satisfied with 1 or 2 people in their lives, but what happens when you are at risk to lose that connection? You find yourself keeping secrets, and doing shit for people that you wouldn't have done otherwise, human social interaction can be one hell of a drug.