Reintroduction

[Cynolove693]

Just figured I'd say hello to everyone again, I'm here to stay [img]<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/smile.png[/img]
 

[shortleash]

hello and welcome...
 

[FoxDogCatWolf]

Has anyone seen any sign of life from Cyno?




He read my last message on April 12, the day he posted he had a "mini heart-attack" on his last status update, and nothing since.




He was not at all in a good state of mind leading up to to that, and it was hard to figure out how serious he was about some things. He wrote some things to me that led me to believe he had the capacity to commit suicide.




However his last message is quite believable. It's very little to go on, but it sounds vaguely like Sepsis. It's a common complication of chemotherapy that kills anyone of any age.




I think that was probably real and despite everything he wrote in the weeks prior, he just didn't see a complication like that coming, and it took him by surprise.




It's hard to speculate on such little information, which is why, if anyone has any information about him, just a last login time, for christ's sakes please post it or send me a PM if it's sensitive.




I'm so very afraid he might have died completely alone in the hospital.

[FoxDogCatWolf]

please

[heavyhorse]

You might also consider that if he is under medical care, his access to internet boards such as this may be limited.  




I myself dropped out for 3 months more-or-less after my little blood-chemistry event back near Y2K.  

[FoxDogCatWolf]

Yeah, I'm aware, but he accesse(s|d) this forum from his phone, and posted his last message from his phone. Unless he's in a coma, this is too unusual for him.

[FoxDogCatWolf]

Anyway I just want to know if anyone has seen any sign of him. I talked to him for awhile and I'm fairly convinced despite what he wrote, he's not the type of would easily stay away for very long (in the sense someone would have seen a "last read" update by him by now, even if he didn't write anything). I can't take this anymore.

[silverwolf1]

I too have been concerned for him. I pray he is alright (as much as he can be) and returns to us. If anyone gets word, please let me know.




sw

[FoxDogCatWolf]

I guess that means he hasn't logged in... that looks very bad. Despite what he thought about himself and one of his last status updates, he is/was a relatively honest guy, and I don't believe he could fuck around that much with this. Unless he's in a coma, this might be it.




I couldn't get a number for him in time, and due to something he wrote to me, I'm not sure they would have managed to get someone close to him present at the hospital. I kind of been in that situation, and I wouldn't wish it on hitler. I thought I could at least keep that from happening to yet another person this year, but I was still too afraid about privacy matters and I see now I didn't try hard enough.

[FoxDogCatWolf]

Alright.




I'm writing this because I have to shut down my machines for a couple weeks. My life is fucked up and I can't do this anymore. I try to be there for people but the truth is I am failing. People are literally dying and I don't have to the capacity to help them. I have some significant knowledge about health issues but not nearly enough about cancer to be able to help someone with stage 3-4 cancer, much less be there emotionally every step of the way. Some things are too difficult to communicate.




I think Cynolove is dead or on life support. It's hard to trust you guys with this, because record shows some you have really strange reactions to very human situations. I'm not blameless myself; I've had borderline autistic tendencies, and done very bad things in the past, but thanks to science and drugs I'm able to step outside my proverbial schrodinger's cat-killing box (I love cats; schrodinger was a fucking asshole) and able to feel more empathy than I was ever able to feel in my 20s. It's not about how old you are but about the experiences you have + what you do with them. For the record the following users posted some things that I felt were of empathetic value: arcticwolf, caikgoch (you're a little rough around the edges but I know you try), silverwolf (you had some really fucked up reaction to my first post here - it's hard to forget - but I can see you're trying; it takes everything I have to put it all aside, but you're the admin and if I don't make peace with you, we can't move forward), eagle; some others I just can't list right now.




I was so distraught by this today, I got drunk and starting chugging shitty local provincially-promoted discounted Riesling wine in the middle of a pharmacy. I don't even like alcohol and live in a country where it's overpriced (basically the government profits off the next most damaging drug known to man); I just wanted to see if anyone gave a shit. Well, one guy stood there and looked at me dumbfounded. But otherwise, either nobody noticed, or nobody cared. I got through the checkout no problem. Then I left 2 empty bottles on the store shelf. Some employee is going to be scratching his head. This is something I normally would never do. I can still write perfectly fine so you know it's not that bad. Ethanol is a GABAA agonist or sorts, similar to a Benzo, meaning it can actually help with social situations such as writing this, but it's also only a 1/3 partial solution, and ultimately it's extremely damaging to health and I don't recommend it to anyone, let's be clear on that. It's just that after watching Rannoch , Cyno and 1 other guy bite the dust, I'm not sure I have much time left, so it's hard to give a shit about myself much less the trivial stuff I witness around me.




Here is the only song I know of that's appropriate for this situation:




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L16Ox66XBXE




It's quite literally about someone who died from a medical condition. If someone could lookup the context (songmeaning.com is giving me nothing) it would mean a lot to me and I would be grateful.




My cat loved the intro to this song when they were a kitten. I would hold them in my arms and it would drive them to sleep. My cat is an amazing being and I know when they finally pass - assuming I don't pass first - I will listen to this song non-stop for 2 years.




But to say this Cynolove fellow is worthy of this song is an understatement. He was not proud of everything in his life, but I can tell you I've done some shit and seen some shit, and it was not as bad as he thought. He was really a good guy. He brought me here because he seemed like a very genuine person and it's hard to go through so much in life only to lose that again.




I have to stop here. I hope some of you get what I'm trying to say. Bye.