07-14-2017, 04:22 AM
I can't recall any embarrassing stories about my own animals that can compare with those described above, but I have had a few "close calls" where I was caught in flagrante delicto with another person's critter, but didn't get in trouble for it. I don't know if there's a name for such an event, but I decided to call it "being 'trouted'": caught (in the act) and released (without consequence). I'm not sure if such experiences count as "funny or embarrassing," but here goes:
1) About 30 years ago, while visiting my father's place of work, I saw an intact male dog outside a large building belonging to a neighboring business. I wandered over and began petting the animal, who lay down and let me gradually work my hand further towards his goodies. After checking to make sure no one was looking, I slid my finger into his sheath and began massaging the side of his penis (this was way before the Internet and before I really knew what I was doing when it came to groping animals). After a few moments of this, I happened to glance back over my shoulder to see a man standing in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest. As smoothly and nonchalantly as I could, I slid my finger out of the dog's sheath and said, "Oh, there you are. What breed of dog is this?" I forget what breed the man said the dog was, but he did answer me. Then he called to the dog, who rose obediently and followed the man into the building. The door closed behind them, and that was the last I heard of the matter.
2) About 25 years ago, after a neighbor and I had finished exercising a couple of his horses, we brought them back to his stable to let them cool down after the ride. As we waited, one of the horses (a gelding) began to relax his penis. When it was fully dropped, the neighbor remarked casually (but to my surprise) on how crusty it was and that he would need to clean it off at some point. When the neighbor went to get a couple of sodas for us, I walked over to the gelding and, using my bare hands, began to wipe off some of the smegma and flakes of dead skin. (I'm not sure, but I think this might have been the first time I ever touched a horse's penis, so despite the risk, I wasn't about to waste the opportunity.) I wasn't caught in the act (I think I remember being able to hear the man's feet in the gravel, so I had advance notice when he was approaching), but I've always suspected I may have cleaned the horse a little *too* well, enough for the neighbor to be able to tell the difference. If he noticed anything (like the guilty look on my face : ) he said nothing, but I'm pretty sure that was the last time he invited me over to ride the horses.
3) Also about 25 years ago (and, ironically, the day before I was scheduled to fly to my first zoo gathering in another state), I saw a dog trotting alongside the road on my drive home from work. I slowed down enough to see that it was an intact male. I was in a semi-rural area with lots of roadside vegetation and very little traffic, so I parked on the side of the road, exited the car, and called to the dog. I figured if anyone saw me, I could say something like "he appeared to be limping, so I stopped to see if he was okay." The dog was very friendly and came right up to me, so I wasted no time getting down to business. He was also...how shall I put this...a very productive animal. Not wanting to waste a drop, I made a drinking glass of my cupped palm, which he gladly refilled several times. In the midst of all this, one other vehicle did drive by: it didn't stop, but turned down a side road and disappeared. I was sure the vegetation had concealed my actions.
When the dog was finally spent and had withdrawn into his sheath, I sent him on his happily emptied way, in the hopes he would rejoin his family. I returned to my car and resumed my own journey home, a little stiff, but none the worse for wear. However, as I neared the side road where the other car had turned, I discovered that the vehicle had not continued down the road as I'd thought, but had actually stopped behind some tall, dense brush shortly after turning off the main road. After I passed the side road, the other vehicle backed up to the intersection, then turned and began to follow me. I made no effort to evade them, mainly because that would be the surest sign of guilt, but also because the dusty country road would have rendered the attempt pointless. The vehicle quickly closed the gap between us, presumably close enough to read my license plate, then slowed, stopped, turned around, and returned the way it had come. I was sure I would return from my trip to find the police waiting for me...but nothing happened.
