12-08-2017, 11:44 AM
Well, here´s what I can contribute to the topic of dreams...
Once I had a very vivid dream of being a horse. I remember that I dreamt of galloping fast or fighting with another horse, can´t remember it exactly...but when I woke up full of adrenaline, heart pounding like hell, I noticed that one of my feet hurt like hell. And when I turned on the light, I saw a fucking hole in the cardboard wall behind my bed. One that wasn´t there the evening before...I must´ve had such a vivid dream of being a horse that I kicked in the wall during sleep....
I had these weird dreams of me being a horse since my puberty. I never identified myself as a furry, an anthro or a therian ´cause I am a rather down to earth guy who knows he is a human. This special form of escapism that is one big fundament of these three communities I mentioned never appealed to me in any way. But the dreams in which I was a horse (to be precise, a grey one with white dots...we Germans call them Apfelschimmel btw...) kept occurring at least once every week. Everytime I woke up soaked in my own sweat, feeling rather uncomfortable and "warped". During my teens and twens, these dreams intensified, sometimes in frequency (I remember a week I stayed awake on purpose for two days to avoid the terrible awakenings), sometimes in intensity...I once managed to shatter one of my glass vitrines by falling into the glass door because my "biped consciousness" failed to "boot up" quickly enough after waking up. I still wonder how I made it out of that pile of sharp shards alive and uninjured...
These dreams never were an "enrichment" for me, they were and still are a burden. Waking up after one of my "digitigrade dreams" still gives me the creeps because it feels like two worlds heavily colliding with each other. Luckily I managed to find some relief....when I started to smoke pot around the age of 18, I noticed that pot reliably subdues dreams. You fall into a rather dreamless sleep that is, much to my joy, refreshing opposed to my "horse dreams" that always left me behind shattered and stressed out. It´s not a pleasure, I can tell you...Nonetheless, whenever I stop smoking for a couple of days, these special dreams come back, sometimes with massive psychical impact. When I have "human dreams" , they often come in "omnicolour" and are identifiable as dreams...when I have one of my "horse dreams", it´s this strange Daguerrot colour set which I assume is owed to the way horses see. Perceived movements in these dreams are sharper while the "background" blurs out, a strange kind of a "being sucked in" effect...well, today , with all my knowledge about horses, I can find "reasons", but can you imagine how I felt when I lacked this knowledge and still had the same strange dreams? I remember questioning myself , asking if I am or go insane because I had these dreams, dreams that no one else seemed to have...today, I made my peace with this phenomenon. I know that this is the price I have to pay for what I am. It´s still frightening sometimes, though...weird, disconnected from my everyday experiences and starngely "more real than reality"...
Besides that, I frequently dream of my mare, my longtime partner, my soulmate. In my human dreams, I often see her, I dreamt of her and me meeting on a quiet pasture, her head resting on my shoulder, frimly pressed against her body. I can sense her scent, that one horse scent I probably will recognise amng millions of other horse scents. I hear her whinny and grunt, another thing I will recognise forever, I guess. Sometimes , she is so present, so real in these dreams that I wake up and immediately start crying. I know this is the price I have to pay for the infinite love we both felt for each other and even if I will suffer from Alzheimer´s one day when I get old, I may forget MY name, my relatives and my life...but I will never forget her´s , her scent, her personality and her life. Chances are high that the last word that will come across my lips in this life will be her name...
