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[Cat]

4 hours ago, Eagle said:




I've had three or four romantic-and-sexual human relationships (depending on what qualifies as relationship), with several more "friends with benefits."  I am not adverse to sex with humans, but I find myself drawn to animals more.  I don't shut out humans entirely, I've learned to avoid trying to fit myself under a label and just go with what feels right for me.


However, overall, my sex drive is pretty low.  I've gone several years without anything beyond autosexuality (masturbation) and while I had some desire, I didn't have enough of a drive to pursue.




In terms of relationships, though, a relationship with a human seems very unlikely for me.  Its not because I haven't had yearnings for some people, but I come with too much baggage and feel -- however much some earnest-feelinged few have propositioned me for a relationship -- I would not really improve anyone's life by chaining them to me.  Whenever someone tells me "I love you," part of me is convinced they're saying it out of pity or feeling that they are obligated to say it even when they don't.  I doubt the sincerity even when I have no real cause to.  I don't have a feeling of realness, and keep wondering what I'm supposed to be doing for my end of a relationship, like its a script or somesuch, and have trouble telling how I feel.




With animals, it is different.  My last mate, Covy the German Shepherd, was very depressed when I met her, and some dog experts who saw her tell me they're convinced she had been abused.  I know she went through trauma.  She would lay flat on the ground and sigh, not wag nor pant.  She was afraid of people and would shy herself away under a table or bush, or in a corner.  Gradually as I spent time with her, though, she wagged more and more, would appear and act happy, and I had no doubt at all that her happiness was genuine, and the feeling I had that I had made her happy saved my life at a time when I felt I was nothing but a drain and a strain on the humans I cared about and whom cared about me.  She gave me something I have never been able to obtain any other way -- a genuine, solid sense of value in myself.




I have never been able to have that with people, no matter how sweetly they tell me they love me.  I just don't feel it.  Its not their fault, its some emotional or mental weakness on my part.




In the human relationships I was in, especially the first one (or second if one counts four -- I had a secretly sexual relationship with another boy when I was a teenager ... our parents and family and friends thought we were just friends, but we were secretly 'friends plus'), I let myself get led around.  I let myself get talked into doing things that my conscience had qualms with.  And I was abused emotionally, and a couple times physically ... I developed "battered wife syndrome" where I convinced myself that I was the problem, things would get better if I became a better lover ... others saw how I was being led around and controlled and tried to talk me into leaving the relationship but I ignored them for years [img]<fileStore.core_Emoticons>/emoticons/unsure.png[/img]/emoticons/[email protected] 2x" title=":/" width="20" />



I can't trust myself in a relationship at all to not get led around.




I won't completely foreswear off ever getting in a relationship with a human, but only after I achieved a level of both emotional and financial healthiness I am not certain I can achieve.




 

I guess we are pretty similar in that sense as well, I have a very low sex drive as well. And yes things is that with humans matters can get complicated, more complex than they need to be; and many humans have a high sex drive, which is hard to deal with when yours is so low (and in my personal case they can't get me turned on and I've only done it as a duty).




However there are also zoo contracts, basically a animal/human / human/animal relationship... basically two zoo couples that decide to live together as couples, while their true lover is the animal, they still have this degree of kinda polyamory in a way where there's a strong bond between both humans, even when it's not romantic; honestly I'd love such a thing, but that's hard to get by because simply finding another zoo interested in that is very rare at least, but specially with people that are into larger animals, owning land as a couple can be more beneficial, and because there's no sex involvement with the human there are no sexual problems and it's usually something done with heavily financial (by marrying) and safety reasons, if you got to travel somoene that you know can care of your partner and so on.




In all honesty I am kinda envious you think you would be able to have a human sexual parter given that stability, that gives you more options, I guess it's because you have had such bad experiences.